I wanna go back to my youth, where weekends were eagerly anticipated and summer break was overwhelmingly yearned for.
I wanna go back to being locked outside all day with my siblings and neighborhood kids.
I wanna go back to building forts out of sticks and pretending my rust-ridden Huffy was a valiant steed, carrying me away to adventures unknown.
I wanna go back to vacant pastures morphed into baseball fields with empty chip bags and discarded shoes as makeshift bases.
I wanna go back to my old Australian Shepard “Lady” leading me through woods to an abandoned creek-bed, my hidden oasis.
I wanna go back to that old creek and catch minnows with my friends.
I wanna go back to that former backyard and “camp out” only to get scared of absolutely nothing and come inside.
I wanna go back to catching fireflies and hoarding them in washed out grape jelly jars.
I wanna go back to those old dirt roads and ride down them in the bed of that raggedy pickup with my siblings and friends, each of us taking turns standing up and “surfing”.
I wanna go back to spinning round and round and lying down in a field of clovers looking up at the sky and clouds rotating above me.
I wanna go back to my childhood home and walk through the doors to see my Momma cooking in the kitchen.
I wanna go back to smell my Momma after her nightly routine, a mixture of baby powder, peppermint toothpaste, and vaseline.
I wanna go back to talking to my friends daily.
I wanna go back to eating desserts after every meal without disrupting my conscience.
I wanna go back to excitedly trying on bikinis and finding the perfect one, donning it confidently.
I wanna go back to lying out by the pool, creek, or lake all day without considering the consequences.
I wanna go back to the adrenaline rush of sneaking out to steal kisses from the neighbor boy.
I wanna go back to the Panhandle, sitting in the middle of Donald’s green 2500 HD with his hand on my knee and a cold one in my hand with Waylon, Haggard, or ol’ Hank playing and meeting up with all our friends at the circle.
I wanna go back and feel the butterflies whenever I hear his pipes coming down the road, long before I could see him.
Gosh…I wanna go back.
But only for a day or two..
Because right now….
In this season of life….
It’s pretty darn great.
And I know these days, these moments, these will replace the yearning for the days of my youth. I know that I will miss the smell of a freshly opened brand new pack of diapers. I will miss the pitter patter of little feet. I will miss the smell of sweat and dirt on my son’s sleepy head. I will miss the little hands pulling on me while cooking. I will miss the small shadow that paints across my bedroom floor whenever one of the children can’t sleep. I will miss the high-pitched giggles that fill the car on road trips. I will miss the random dance parties in the middle of Wal-Mart. I will miss the sloppy, slobbery kisses planted anywhere they can plant them with no specified target in mind. I will miss the book that they brought to me to read one more time, a trillion times. I will miss the tender prayers lifted up by small voices. I will miss my clothes being covered in tiny fingerprints. I will miss the bickering. I will miss the busyness…and I’ll be saying..
I wanna go back..