Imagine what it was like saying my truth in a Southern Baptist Church setting; my truth? My family doesn’t fulfill me.
That’s what a “Southern Belle” exists for, right? To raise babies and dote on husbands? To enjoy hosting dinner parties and kiddie sleepovers? To balance the checkbook and household responsibilities? To be seen but not heard?
For so long, I have beat myself up and tore myself down for not being content in doing those things. For not filling up the pristine “Christian Wife and Mother” mold entirely so that the product, I, seemed to be a cull. I prayed, cried, and tried to force those things; I wanted to be the quiet, peaceful, housewife type.
I sat in awe of the women who effortlessly submitted to their husband without him hollering and whispered to their toddlers before they started screaming. The women who could tell their husband how much money was in their bank account without checking their balance as their fingers danced across the bold white numbers on the calculator without even looking at it.
But I have come to realize, that’s not me, and who am I to say to God, “Ya messed up. I should be like her.”
God has put a hunger in me for His Word. His Fellowship. His Love. So much so everything else pales in comparison. It has made me restless when I’m not in His presence and leaves me squirming like a puppy being leash trained, itching to get back to my Father. My husband and children. My friends and career. Those things are but a vapor.
Granted a rich, fragrant vapor that I adore and hope to have many days to enjoy basking in, but ultimately they aren’t my oxygen. I wouldn’t cease to exist without them.
Does that mean I’m gonna run out on them and neglect my responsibilities and obligations?
I love them.
But not as much as I love Him.
So when I say I’m not fulfilled by my marriage, my family, or my career. I shouldn’t feel a wave of shame and trepidation. I’m not supposed to be fulfilled by them; only by Him.
God has placed a desire in my heart to speak to women for Him. To share with other hungry people what I have learned through personal devotional and meditation time. To reach even more women with the Gospel message than before.
God reminds me daily that I am His, and He wants and loves to adorn me with His clothing.
But His fine silk seems to snag on my calloused edges.
How can He take a little burnt-out broken-down girl like me and turn her into a powerhouse supplying His Message into other burnt-out, broken-down, shorting-out women?!
Little is much when God is in it. God’s little is INFINITELY larger than the world’s. The world’s idea of success is not the same as God’s. It’s two totally different systems of measurement.
Where the world may look past you, God is looking FOR you.
Wherever your calling is; ministering to those in your home, climbing the corporate ladder, ministering overseas, caring for the elderly, delivering the babies, preaching the Gospel, singing His praises, prayer warrior, teaching, construction. ANYTHING.
Do what you are doing for the Glory of God and don’t look at those who surround you and write yourself off because you’re not _______. God wants you to share the Gospel where and to who He moves in your heart to do so.
Don’t tell Him no.
Don’t give excuses.
Instead, put off that old sackcloth, the time of mourning has passed, and put on that beautiful, fine silk robe and allow it to soften your rough edges.
You may be saying, “But I don’t know what He wants from me?” Or maybe, “I’ve missed my chance.”
Honey, the fact that you’re reading this is proof that God’s not done with you yet.
He is still waiting, holding your robe up, He hasn’t given it to another. He’s just patiently waiting for you to slip your arms into it.
Now go grab your silk.